This week marks 35 completed weeks of pregnancy. Baby is moving like crazy. I constantly feel kicks into the right side of my ribs, and those little kicks are harder and stronger everyday. This is always something that I try to commit to memory. I love how it feels and I really miss it after baby is born. Everything else is same old, same old. Acid reflux, insomnia, aches and pains, all the fun symptoms pregnant women get to enjoy. I can't really complain though. I'm still enjoying the pregnancy. I always find this the bittersweet part where you know its almost over, but you anticipate the sadness of it being done.
For me, this is the dreaded week where I will find out when I will actually be admitted to the hospital to await the arrival of little baby #4. At my appointment on Monday, things were more hopeful sounding. I asked all of my questions. I prepared for the worst. I will have yet another ultrasound on Friday morning and this one will determine where things are at, and when I will be hospitalized (unless things have improved which I am hoping and praying for!). In the meantime, I'd like to share what I'm experiencing right now....
If you haven't read my informational post about Placenta Previa, head over here and check it out. Basically, this whole thing has been out of my control. There is no treatment, no yoga, no medication, no anything that can change this misplaced placenta... only time and hope that my body figures it out and pulls it to a more reasonable location. I am a person who likes to be planned, organized and in control and therefore this entire experience has been daunting and unknown. Not cool.
I've been feeling kind of doomed.
Doomed to a hospitalization while hubby & the boys are 'abandoned' at home (I realize that is NOT how they will see it, but its how I feel).
Doomed to a caesarean section and the accompanying spinal analgesia, panic, post-op recovery, pain and everything else that will come along with the surgery.
Doomed to probably have this little one a lot earlier than I would like. What I like growing my babies to term, I even had two of them 6 days over due.
Now I realize that anyone reading this who has had a caesarean section birth is probably thinking, "what a whiner!", but these are all of my fears at this point in time as I have only ever seen the procedures as a third party, and never gone through it. I know that lots of people have them everyday, and life goes on.... but this is all new to me as the patient, and I just feel like I'm on a runaway train that's coming to crash into an outcome that I'm not ready for.
So there. I said all of that. It feels better to talk about it but I still hold onto these fears, irrational or otherwise.
I'm trying to focus on the positive. I'm doing as much as I can to prepare for this time, and it helps me to feel like I can at least control some of the situation. Like meals, for example. I have made and frozen lots of meals for the boys while I am gone. And laundry... I'm keeping the mountain to a minimum to try to alleviate some of the stress that hubby will have to deal with in my absence. Nesting. I'm doing a ton of this. I've gotten the kids' rooms done, clothes downsized, things organized, a new little play area created, etc. And I've almost gotten through my downstairs spare room. It was bad. When its finally presentable I will show you all what I have done. I'd really like to get my craft space organized but I'm thinking that will have to wait a few months at this point. But doing these little things that I can control makes me feel at least as if I'm not just sitting here waiting to sit in the hospital and wait.
At this point I am remaining hopeful, after all... what a total rip off this would be to turn out the way that ends with caesarean section and all that comes with it. I'm believing that there is still a chance that this whole thing could go away and I could just get on with regular life instead of this worrying-about-things-I-can't-control life.
Today, I'm going to take some time to stop feeling like this and I'm going to (hopefully) get a really awesome baby project finished so that I can share it before heading in to the hospital.
Oh, anyone have any tips on packing for a 2-3 weeks stay? I'm leaving that until the last minute....